


twisting, wriggling

by dorypop



Series: fifteen years later [4]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: ASL, Doctor Adam Parrish, Farmer Ronan Lynch, Food intolerances, Foster Care, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Selectively Mute Original Character, Speech Disorders, Therapy, also lots of hugs and talking about hugs, homemade apple jam!, selective mutism, speech therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorypop/pseuds/dorypop
Summary: Harvey gets asked to join the school basketball team—it doesn’t go very well. There's hugging involved.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Original Character(s), Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: fifteen years later [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867762
Comments: 38
Kudos: 126





	twisting, wriggling

Coming back to school after Christmas had been _horrible_.

When asked, though—and he _had been_ asked, by Ronan and Adam and also by his therapist, Mrs. Ramos, and even by Matthew in one of his calls—, Harvey said it was okay.

He’d never even had people ask him about _school_ before—what was he supposed to say? That he was _sad_ because Amina wasn’t talking to him anymore? It’s not like he didn’t understand—Harvey’d messed up their last presentation, because he hadn’t been able to _present_ a thing, so of course she’d be mad about it.

“Now nobody wants to do the Geology project with me,” he whispered to the cow to his right, who only looked at him in sympathy, without offering any consolation.

Not that Harvey needed comfort _from a cow_! That would be just—lame. Also, unhelpful. It was just that Mrs. Tyler—his _other_ therapist—had tasked him with the homework to find someone he was comfortable enough with to talk around. Harvey had found the cows.

He was not stupid—he knew Mrs. Tyler had probably had in mind someone like a friend from school or something. But joke’s on her—Harvey didn’t have any friends at school.

He still hadn’t tried talking around Ronan or Adam, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to just yet, and he didn’t know if it would be _too much_ to bear if he couldn’t manage.

Mrs. Ramos was trying to help him with what she called _crippling anxiety_. It wasn’t working that well and her homework was harder, so Harvey liked Mrs. Tyler better. Plus, Mrs. Tyler hadn’t asked him about school yet, either.

“I know she only asks _yes_ or _no_ questions, don’t you go looking at me like that.” The cow blinked. “Anyway, I don’t care that much about Geology, because it’s just _rocks_ , so there’s not really a point.” Harvey side-eyed the cow, because he _did_ care, a bit, and he had the feeling the cow could tell.

Did she have a name? Harvey should ask Ronan. Only he wouldn’t, of course, because Ronan thought Harvey was in his room, copping out from helping with the jam. Which he _was_ , only not in his room, because there he could _see_ the brand new laptop he’d been given for Christmas—to help with homework, Adam had said, but Declan had sat with him after lunch and told him to choose a video game and that it would be his and Jordan’s gift. And the laptop was _cool_ —he’d played a few times with the racing game he’d chosen and even beaten Ronan once, and he’d had something to say when Jimmy Hooper from PE had asked him about his presents. It was just that he didn’t want to use the computer _too much_. So that, when his mom got him back and he had to leave the Barns and the cows behind, Harvey still knew how to live without having a computer.

He actually missed pizza nights with his mom, so _that_ might be a good thing to go back to. He couldn’t eat normal pizza anymore, of course, because it’d make him get sick, but he supposed he could deal with it. He doubted his mom would go through all the trouble Adam and Ronan had, to switch _their whole pantry_ to gluten-free stuff.

Like—they didn’t have to do that. Harvey had told this to Mrs. White, his social worker, when she’d last asked him how he was finding living there.

“It’s a good thing we finally know you can’t eat gluten,” she’d said, and moved on.

“Mrs. Ramos says it’s very positive they’re so accommodating,” Harvey whispered. Feeling tired, he sat down, not caring much about the stray hay on the floor. “And Ronan keeps _hugging_ me,” he told the cow, leaning over as if it was a secret he was sharing with her.

Ronan’s hugs were nice. Harvey always got one in the morning, when it was cold and dark outside, before they got into the car—they made him feel like he could bring a little piece of the Barns to school, as if that would make everything go better.

“Does Ronan also hug you guys?” Harvey bet he did. He was always hugging Adam, too, and even Chainsaw. He could perfectly picture him doing the same with the cows. “D’you think I could tell him about the basketball team?”

The cow didn’t answer, but that was a _good_ thing. If she had, Harvey would have had to tell Mrs. Ramos—it was definitely the kind of thing you told a shrink. Mrs. Ramos didn’t look much like the shrinks on TV, true, but that’s what she was, so she’d probably know what to do.

Not that it mattered, really, because the cows were not talking to Harvey. _He_ was the one talking to them.

Maybe he should also tell her that.

Did she and Mrs. Tyler know each other? Maybe there was something like a therapist convention, once a month or so, where all kinds of therapists met and gossiped about their patients. Or maybe that was a thing, but regular therapists and speech therapists weren’t allowed to talk to each other, because that would cause the universe to collapse. Or something.

Harvey should really head inside, he knew. It was getting colder and he hadn’t brought a blanket. Nor his coat, but that was because Adam had been in the kitchen and Harvey was kinda running away from the jam. The blanket—well, he’d just forgotten.

The cow mooed as he stood up. Harvey waved goodbye at her.

Outside the barn, the same freezing wind that slapped him on the cheeks brought him a string of curses. That meant Ronan was still trying to mend the fence he’d been working at the whole weekend. Adam was merrily not offering his help, despite it being work for two people, because Ronan was not helping with the jam.

Harvey suspected they were both in a foul mood because of this. He still hadn’t seen them argue—and he’d been there for three months already. Things were probably going to explode soon, and it was likely it’d be _because of the jam_.

In Harvey’s opinion, the easiest solution would be that they changed jobs—if Ronan made jam and Adam fixed the fence, everything would get done in, like, twenty seconds. Harvey wasn’t going to ask why they didn’t, though.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know how things would fare for him once things turned ugly. Everything had been going well, at home at least—

Harvey felt like throwing up—he’d only eaten safe foods lately, carefully monitored by Ronan, so he figured it was his anxiety again. Mrs. Ramos said he should try and find the cause of what was making him nervous and address _that_.

Which, okay. Sometimes it was hard to say what the problem was. Like during the holidays, when Adam kept wasting hours and hours with Harvey—and Ronan, too, but Ronan _had_ more hours to waste—as they watched and rewatched the videos on the ASL course he’d gotten as a Christmas present.

“It helps me, too,” Adam kept saying, because he couldn’t hear out of one ear, but Harvey wasn’t convinced. Adam was perfectly able to talk to all sorts of people. They listened to him, and did what he said. What did it matter that he couldn’t hear all that well? _He_ wasn’t making a full of himself in front of the whole class!

So Harvey had told Mrs. Ramos that he was anxious because he was learning ASL. But she’d asked questions and Harvey had written his answers and eventually she had said that Harvey couldn’t control what Adam did for him, so he basically had to suck it up.

Like when Matthew gifted him reindeer-themed socks, matching his nieces’. Declan’s face had done something weird and Harvey had promptly made sure to always wear a pair of socks from that set during the holidays.

That was fine now, though. Harvey was back at school now, so they only did ASL lessons two or three nights a week. It gave Harvey time to practice on the mirror, too, so that was okay.

Not that he planned on having to use ASL for long—he _did_ want to talk again. And to people and not only cows. He was _trying_.

But. Anyway. He _wasn’t_ going to throw up because of this—and he knew exactly what was going on. The facts were simple—The basketball coach had asked Harvey to join the team. Jimmy Hooper, who was one of the few people in the whole school who didn’t seem to mind waiting for Harvey to type everything he wanted to say, was in the team too. Practice started on Monday after class. At that same time, Harvey had his therapy session with Mrs. Ramos.

There were several things he could do about it. He didn’t like most of those options, though.

He could ask for a week free of therapy, too. That’d only fix the problem this week, true, but Harvey didn’t know if he’d like basketball practice anyway. It was just—Ronan and Adam had already gone through all the trouble to find Mrs. Ramos and Mrs. Tyler, and were paying for it _all_ , and they drove him to his appointments and everything. And Harvey was already _a lot_ to deal with, he knew. His mom had told him many times.

He shivered as he entered the house.

“Harvey?” Adam called from the kitchen, probably to rope him into helping. He didn’t know _why_ they insisted on making and bottling all that jam, everyone just hated doing the thing.

Harvey sighed. He’d go in there and help for a bit, and that would probably put Adam in a good mood, so that he wouldn’t be _too_ disappointed when Harvey asked to skip therapy the following day. Hopefully.

“Were you outside wearing only _that_?” Adam asked, hands busy scooping apple jam into jars.

“In the barn,” Harvey signed as he looked at the mess that was the kitchen island.

“Those are already closed,” Adam nodded to a neat row of jars. “Could you just paste the tags on them? I’m stacking the finished ones in the laundry room. I just _refuse_ to live with jars _all over the place_ for three whole weeks.”

Harvey shrugged to hide another shiver, and went to get the stack of stickers already printed with Ronan’s brand and the information on ingredients. In his opinion, there were worse things to live around than jars of jam, but he supposed Adam already knew that, so he didn’t mention it.

“Matthew called earlier,” Adam said, passing him the jar he’d just filled. “He said he’d call you later, too.” Adam’s voice sounded suddenly smaller. Harvey looked up. “That’s good, isn’t it? That he calls you.”

Harvey shrugged. Matthew must have a big stock of patience, because Harvey only listened to him talking and only sometimes answered his questions, after hanging up, on a text. Yet, Matthew kept calling him almost every day. He always greeted him with what sounded like a smile.

He hadn’t known Ronan and Adam knew about the calls, though. It made his stomach clench. Harvey went back to sticking tags.

He hoped he wasn’t pasting them too skewed.

“Right. Well. He needs Ronan to go up tomorrow—Declan’s busy with the kids. They’ve got swimming practice, I think. Oh. Hey. Do you want to do some sports? There has to be a swimming pool somewhere close. Or, well, do you _like_ swimming? You can always pick something else, like baseball, or whatever you like. Did you know Ronan used to play tennis?”

Harvey almost said something, right then. It was a great opening, really. He could just take his phone out and type it. _Actually, I’ve been asked to join the basketball team. Can I go?_ There, it shouldn’t be too difficult. He only needed to finish with the sticker he had in his hands, and he’d do just that—

Adam kept talking.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to play sports, too. Anyway, Ronan will be out of town, so I’ll leave work early to come pick you up from school, okay?”

When Harvey was little, some kids in his class met after school to play. They went to each other’s houses, or to the park, and sometimes Harvey got invited too. Once, his mom even took him to a birthday party, and it was _great_. But then the other kids started asking why Harvey never invited anyone to his birthdays, or why he always said he’d go play with them at the swings on Saturday and he never showed up. And, eventually, they stopped asking him. Then Harvey stopped talking altogether, so it wasn’t like anybody would’ve wanted to hang out with him anyway—and it wasn’t like he still wanted to go to the slides anymore, or anything.

So it was fine, really, that Adam had kept talking and hadn’t waited for him to speak. It was to be expected, right? Harvey never had anything to say, so people got bored of waiting.

The sticker had a crease now, and Harvey’s finger was not enough to smoother it back. The whole jar was ruined, and nobody would want to buy it now that Harvey had messed up the tag.

Harvey left the jar next to the others.

“I’m not a baby,” he signed. He didn’t know how to say _bus_ in ASL, so he took out his phone. _i can take the bus. you dont have to come hold my hand or anything_

_i can handle it_

Adam frowned when he read Harvey’s message.

“Never said you couldn’t handle it.”

_Just bc i cant speak doesnt mean i cant walk or do things on my own_

Like try playing basketball with the school team, for example. Mrs. Ramos would probably say it was good that he was standing up for himself and willing to try new things. And also something about being around other kids his age, or something. Not that he’d go to therapy to tell her about it, though, at least not that Monday. And whatever points he could gain from it on her books would be erased by the fact that he was basically _lying_ to Adam.

But. People lied all the time. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

“Okay,” Adam said, scooping more jam. “Just text me when you get there, and I’ll pick you up from Mrs. Ramos’ office when you’re done. Sounds good?”

Harvey nodded.

A gust of wind violently knocked on the kitchen window and made the back door rattle. Harvey quickly signed _bathroom_ and ran before Adam could figure out what was really going on through his mind.

He dry heaved in the sink, but nothing came up. With slightly trembling hands, he splashed some freezing water to his face.

He used to go behind his mom’s back all the time, when he still lived with her. He’d even gone to the doctor without her knowing! And she did lie to him, too—she’d tell him she’d drive him to school in the morning and then he’d wake up to find the house empty, because she was staying with one of her boyfriends. Things like that happened _all the time_.

So why was he so shaken, just because he hadn’t told Adam about basketball practice? It wasn’t even that important. He was actually doing him a favor—he wouldn’t have to get out of work early just for him.

Harvey didn’t even know if he wanted to play basketball at all. Perhaps Jimmy Hooper would also get bored of him soon, and it would all be for nothing.

He just had to see how practice went, and then he’d decide.

And, even if he _liked_ basketball, it wouldn’t matter anyway when he got back to live with mom. He’d have to change schools again and everything.

From his bedroom window, Harvey could see Adam walking towards Ronan, all bundled up in a heavy coat. The barn hid them both from view for a while, but it wasn’t long before they appeared again, making their way back to the house. They stopped briefly for a kiss—the wind insistently tugged at Ronan’s scarf.

Harvey pulled away from the window.

* * *

Ronan was driving up early, but he still had time to drop Harvey off at school.

“Even the _car_ smells like jam, Jesus,” he said, and Harvey waved him goodbye, and Ronan reminded him to text either him or Adam if he needed that ride to therapy after all.

Harvey nodded. Ronan left before Harvey could tell him to say hi to Matthew on his behalf.

Jimmy Hooper had been to the movies on Saturday so he told Harvey all about what he’d seen. He also asked him if they could go see a different movie some other weekend.

“My mom can totally drive us, if your parents can’t,” he added, as they both had lunch in one of the less crowded tables in the cafeteria.

Harvey had several things he could say to that. That the last time he’d been to the cinema was when one of his aunts had taken him as a gift for his ninth birthday, and how his aunt had chosen a lame movie about a lame coupe getting together. That Ronan would love to drive him anywhere, because he was always looking for excuses to start his car. That Adam and him were not his _real_ parents, and that he didn’t know how long he’d be living with them. That they would probably send him away, back to his mom, if Harvey kept lying.

 _i can ask_ , he texted, instead. Jimmy nodded, and slurped loudly from his vanilla milkshake.

When the bell rang after last period, they both went to the gym. Harvey turned his phone off.

Nobody made a big deal of Harvey being new to the team. There was a warm-up. They were put in pairs to dribble. They practiced with the balls, too.

Harvey was out of breath when they were dismissed to go shower, but he found himself nodding when Coach said next practice was on Thursday.

Jimmy clapped him on the shoulder as he passed by. Harvey didn’t mind.

He didn’t want to turn his phone back on. He _knew_ he had to—if only to check the time and how late he actually was for therapy. Probably to know how much trouble he was in, too.

At the bus stop, he figured he couldn’t delay it longer. He sat on the bench and bit his bottom lip while his phone came back to life.

He shivered from the cold wind as he waited.

He only had three unread messages—one was a selfie from Matthew that included Ronan in the frame. The other two were from Adam, reminding him he’d be at the clinic in twenty minutes.

Plenty of time to get there.

Harvey breathed deeply.

On Wednesday, he’d actually take the bus to therapy. He could surely find something to tell Adam and Ronan between then and Thursday so that they’d let him stay for practice after school. And the following Monday he’d do this again.

If Mrs. Ramos asked, he could tell her something had come up at home and nobody had been available to drive him. He’d figure it out.

The bus came and Harvey got in. At the clinic’s entrance, he only had to wait for five minutes before he saw Adam’s car.

“So how was your day?” he asked, as Harvey turned up the heating once he was settled inside.

He should have said something, right that moment. _Look, I know I should be using this time for studying and getting good grades for once, and I know that if I tried harder and spoke before everyone’s patience runs out I’d be making your lives easier, but could I play some sports instead?_

Yeah, that would totally work.

“Good,” Harvey signed, looking down when Adam smiled at him.

“Let’s go home, then.”

* * *

It somewhat worked for three weeks. He stayed for practice on Mondays and went to therapy on Wednesdays. He still hadn’t come clean about being in the basketball team, so he’d had to miss practice one Thursday, but his shots were getting better and Coach had said he might play for a few minutes on their first game that Saturday, so it was all good.

“Should I expect to see you again a week from today?” Mrs. Ramos had asked him at the end of their last session, and Harvey had nodded. She hadn’t asked _why_ , nor had she told Ronan and Adam he was skipping—Harvey supposed she was just happy she was getting paid double for doing only half the work.

He’d told Ronan that Jimmy’s parents were driving them to the cinema on Saturday—it would work as long as Jimmy didn’t actually talk to Ronan or Adam, but that was doable. Harvey only had to get on the car before there was time for talking. He could do that. Besides, Saturday was market day, and Ronan would be selling the jam that was currently taking up their whole laundry room. Maybe they wouldn’t even see Jimmy, if they had to leave early.

It would be totally fine.

Away games would be trickier, but they didn’t have one of those until at least two weeks later, so Harvey would think of something by then.

He was actually excited for the game. The night before, as he watched a new ASL video, flung on the couch with Adam, he found himself thinking about how cool it’d be if they actually _won_ the game. Maybe _then_ he could tell everyone about it—if he had something to show for it, nobody would think he was being ungrateful or lazy by skipping therapy. It _could_ work.

“You’re tired, already?” Adam asked, pausing the video. The lady on the screen, frozen in the middle of a sign Harvey didn’t recognize at all, told him he’d maybe zoned out for longer than he’d realized.

“Rewind?” he signed, but Adam shook his head.

“Maybe that’s enough for today. Did Mrs. Tyler give you any homework?” he asked, all smiley and relaxed, offering Harvey a corner of the blanket he was draping himself into.

Harvey shrugged, because he _had_ homework, and he wasn’t going to get away with it by talking to the cows this time.

He accepted the blanket with one hand while he typed with the other. A phone rang somewhere in the house—if it was Ronan’s, it was very likely it’d get ignored. Harvey wished he could ignore his assignment, too.

_i’m supposed to record me speaking outloud_

“Oh?”

_mrs tyler says it would help if i hear myself_

“Oh, okay. Yeah, why not? You’ve got a recorder on your phone, right?”

Harvey shrugged again. He supposed he did. He’d never used it before. He didn’t want to use it then, either.

He slumped a little more on the couch, letting the heat from the fireplace fondle his face. The wind was roaring outside—he didn’t want to _move_ , and especially not to record himself _talking_.

He sighed, dramatically enough that Adam patted his leg over the blanket.

“You got a call?” Adam asked, and Harvey needed a second to get that he wasn’t the one being talked to—Ronan was. Ronan, who was hovering by the doorframe with his phone still in hand.

He stood there in silence, long enough that Adam rose up to better see him. The blanket slid from Harvey’s frame.

Ronan’s jaw clenched when he looked at Harvey.

Oh, shit. Something was wrong.

Harvey sat up straight.

Before he could remember how his hands were supposed to apologize—and, yes, he _should_ start with that. Adults always liked him better when he apologized—, Ronan’s strides had already taken him only a foot apart from Harvey.

“Ronan?”

Ronan threw his phone to the empty armchair on the other side of the fireplace.

Adam didn’t flinch. Harvey did.

“You wouldn’t believe who just called,” Ronan said. Harvey flinched again, because he didn’t know _what_ had just happened, but it was bad, it _looked_ bad, and Ronan was suddenly very tall and Harvey was still sitting down in that stupid couch, and he should’ve known better than to get comfortable like that.

“Who called.” Adam said as he got up, not really asking a question. Now they were both tall.

“A fucker named Coach Stewart. Never heard of him in my life, so when he introduced himself I was just about to hang up, because I thought—who the fuck is this guy.” Harvey gulped. Oh, right. Yes. Yes, he supposed it was to happen sooner or later.

“So who is he?”

“Did you know Harvey’s on the basketball team?” Ronan asked, not once looking away from Harvey. “There’s no game tomorrow, by the way. Half the kids on the other team got a stomach bug or something. Your coach was calling to tell us he’ll see you back on Monday.”

“It was nice of him to let us know, then,” Adam said, calmly, which didn’t make sense because he wasn’t supposed to know about Coach Stewart, either, and what if he’d known the entire time and was just waiting for Harvey to confess?

Harvey couldn’t breathe.

“And then he said you’d be so disappointed,” Ronan continued, as if Adam hadn’t spoken at all, “because you were apparently looking forward to playing in this game, after only three weeks of practice. Three fucking _weeks_ , Harvey.”

Ronan kept looking at him, as if _waiting_ for Harvey to say something. But Harvey wasn’t stupid enough to _move_ , so he just kept breathing fast, even though it didn’t feel like he was breathing _enough_ , waiting for whatever needed to happen.

His mom would’ve already dragged to the front door to lock him out of the house—Harvey was glad that he at least wasn’t back there, because if that happened here he could just go to the barns, where it was warm and not so windy.

The cows surely wouldn’t be mad at him.

Harvey waited.

To his left, Adam sighed and sat back down on the couch.

Ronan took a deep breath.

“I’ll go haul the car now,” he said, and he _left_ , which was what made Harvey start crying.

Really, that was it? He’d found out Harvey had been lying to his face for three whole weeks, and Ronan cared more for the damn jars of jam everyone was so sick of?

Harvey was sobbing now, and his stomach hurt, and the fire was too close because he was _melting_ in heat, and how could he have risked everything because Jimmy was also playing for the basketball team?

He was stupid, and he was crying like a little baby, and still holding his phone even though he didn’t have anything to say. Not that Ronan would listen, because he had _left,_ and Adam—

He looked to where Adam had been sitting, only to find himself _alone_ on the couch, and then he started _whimpering_ because he was really a baby who couldn’t speak but had no problem with whining and—

He startled when he felt something cold on his hand.

Adam’s fingers surrounded his around the glass of water he was carrying. Gently, he helped Harvey drink.

“Small sips, okay?” Adam tilted the glass, and held it when Harvey had to stop drinking because he felt like he was going to choke.

He didn’t really understand what was going on, but he clutched to Adam’s sleeves, and when Adam didn’t push him away he risked holding on to his neck, and Adam _hugged him back,_ so Harvey just hid his head on Adam’s shoulder and kept crying.

Adam’s hugs were different from Ronan’s. Ronan’s hugs felt like you would never fall down again, because he’d be there to catch you. Adam’s hugs felt like it didn’t matter if you fell, because he’d come after you and help you pick yourself up.

Harvey clang to Adam a bit tighter, because he didn’t know for how longer he’d get to be hugged like that _at all._

He tensed when he heard the back door open and close, and footsteps coming their direction, but Adam’s hand kept rubbing his back, which only made Harvey cry harder, so Harvey just held onto him.

“What’s going on?” Ronan asked.

Harvey held his breath, waiting for Adam to sigh and tell Ronan he was having a meltdown because Ronan had found out about his lies.

“Harvey needed a hug,” Adam said, instead.

Harvey froze.

It almost _hurt_ him to get disentangled from Adam’s warm arms, but Harvey needed to _see_ what was going on.

Adam let him go, as Harvey sat back on his heels, and used his sleeve to rub tears and snot from his eyes.

Ronan was still standing, but he was frowning _at Adam_ now, probably because he also agreed that Adam wasn’t making any sense.

Adam took Harvey’s hand, which felt bloated and stiff. He squeezed it lightly.

Harvey took a deep breath that felt like his lungs were breaking. Mrs. Ramos said it was supposed to help, though, so he took another one.

Adam waited. Ronan was waiting, too, now perched on the armrest closest to Adam.

“You’re not mad?” Harvey whispered, and it only took him something like two seconds to realize he _had_ whispered, and Adam and Ronan had _heard_ , and he’d only done it because his phone had probably been swallowed by the couch and Adam was still holding his hand and he didn’t really know that many words in ASL anyway, because he kept getting stuck and distracted when he was supposed to be learning, and Mrs. Tyler had promised it’d feel good to finally be able to talk but Harvey wasn’t really feeling good, like, at all.

But Adam only squeezed his hand again, and didn’t mention it, and answered Harvey’s question like Harvey had been talking like a normal person the whole time.

“No, I _am_ mad,” he said, but he was still gentle and kind.

Ronan cursed in the background, but he wasn’t moving from his armrest.

“’Cause I lied?” Harvey tried again. His voice sounded stupid. Still a child’s, broken from all the crying.

“That’s part of it, yes.”

Harvey bit his bottom lip.

“Then why—?” A new sob stopped Harvey—he was also, very quickly, running out of words.

Adam patted Harvey’s hand, and all Harvey could do was stare at their fingers, dumbly, wishing the world made sense again.

“Well, I’m hoping after we’ve all calmed down a little we can talk about what happened—I’d like to understand why you did what you did, for starters. And then Ronan and I will think about how to suitably ground you so that it brings the lesson home for you and you don’t do something like this ever again.”

Harvey wanted to ask _what kind_ of grounding that would be, but he wasn’t stupid enough to do so, and besides he felt like he had ran three whole marathons so he wasn’t really willing to speak anymore, at least for the night.

He let himself relax slightly on the cushions behind him, still not letting go of Adam’s hand.

“So what do you say to reading outloud your History notes for Mrs. Tyler’s homework?” Adam suggested. Harvey had forgotten what he was talking about, but he nodded anyway, because if it was Adam’s it surely was a good idea, and because he wasn’t about to complain about anything after what he’d done.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

When he woke up, Ronan was ruffling his hair.

“Hey. I thought you might want some hot chocolate?” Ronan whispered, showing Harvey the steaming mug he was carrying.

Still blinking the sleep away from his eyes, Harvey tried to push himself to a sitting position, only to realize he was still holding Adam’s hand. He gasped, but Adam didn’t stir—he was sleeping soundly.

“Here,” Ronan said, as Harvey carefully disentangled his hand from Adam’s. He took the mug, and also the small smile Ronan gifted him with it. “I rescued this from under Parrish’s ass earlier,” Ronan added, meaning Harvey’s phone, which Harvey also took from him.

The chocolate was sweet and Ronan was looking at Adam with that same face he got when he’d finished milking a cow. It all felt like a completely different night from before.

His phone told him it was only ten to midnight.

He emptied his mug.

“You done there?” Ronan asked, and for a moment Harvey feared his time out was over. But Ronan only said, in a quiet voice—“We’ll talk tomorrow, ‘kay?”

Harvey needed to think about a proper apology before that. He should probably write one, on his phone or something, sometime that night, or when he woke up in the morning—he was feeling too heavy and sleepy and warm from the chocolate to properly remember why he had done what he had. Shouldn’t he have been content, just having what he did?

Harvey placed his empty mug in Ronan’s extended hand. After looking into each other’s eyes for what felt like a long time, Ronan’s free hand came to squeeze Harvey’s shoulder. It felt weird, having Ronan touch him and not touching him back, so after a short moment of hesitation Harvey just hugged him. He wanted it to be as tight a hug as the one he’d given Adam earlier had been, but his arms felt a bit sluggish so he wasn’t sure he managed.

Ronan hugged him back anyway, so it didn’t matter much. Yeah, Ronan’s hugs were still super nice.

“Sorry,” Harvey whispered just by Ronan’s ear, in a really small voice, because he didn’t think he had much of that left either—Ronan somehow managed to hear him, because he kissed Harvey’s temple.

“You’re falling asleep on your feet. Need me to carry you upstairs?” Ronan asked when he eventually broke the hug. Harvey shook his head. “I could do it. I could carry Parrish without breaking a sweat—I’ll have you know, I’ve carried cows heavier than you two.”

Harvey snorted.

As he turned to go upstairs, he saw Ronan smile. It made him smile too.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a haiku by Natsume Sōseki: the withering wind / twisting, wriggling / resounds
> 
> On the notes in the last fic in this series, I asked for prompts—Harvey talking to the cows came from [@Imaginek](https://archiveofourown.org/comments/337314328)’s suggestion and Ronan losing his temper was [@iwontevenwishforsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/comments/339054277)'s suggestion. Thanks! 💛
> 
> Thank you also for all the kind words that I've received regarding this series 💕 I've gotten a lot of lovely comments both here and [in tumblr](https://hklnvgl.tumblr.com/) and it really, really helps with everything that's happening lately. 💖


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